A quickie.

No... I'm not mourning the entire time I'm away from blogosphere. Truth be told, I've not been away pun sebenarnya. Just away from my own blog, maybe. :) No, it's not that I've been busy with work either. I've been having wayyy too much time in my hands actually, that I've been delaying writing. Typical me. Bila rasa time's running out, baruuuu nak buat semua benda.

I'm just going to put my thoughts in point form this time. Easier.

1. It's my 2nd last day in our KLIA office. (read: having lots and lots of free time during office hours). Come Monday I'll start working in our HQ in WM, going to a 'whole new world', doing a 'whole new thing'. A fresh start. I'm excited. And nervous. And scared. And excited. Yes, excited twice. Saja.

2. Ummi was admitted to HUKM again after spending a few helluva days at 443. She cooked, she ate, she jalan2. She even went for a marhaban thingy. Then she got realllly sick. Unlike other times, she did not get better after 2 days in HUKM. She got really bad, but when we least expected it, she got better. For 2 days. Today, she's back to being 'bad'. Her health is going through a roller coaster. So are our emotions.

3. Took Afiq to see the Upin Ipin Movie. It was good. Got a lil bit too scary for Afiq in the middle though. I had to tell him that Ultraman's gonna show up soon to fight the 'raksasa'. It worked!! :D.

4. I've been googling and youtube-ing Hugh Jackman and Simon Baker all 2 days. (Yes, THAT much time) I have NO idea why Australian men look and sound good this week. Last week was Michael Vartan week. Before that it was Jude Law.

Going to HUKM in 10 minutes. Maybe another entry tomorrow.

"At the end of the day, all you've got is your story, so try to make it a good one" - Australia

31-Jan, an end to a great journey.

It's 9 minutes past midnight, and I just came back from the handing over of maais. I should be tired and sleepy after spending 14 hours in the office packing, but strangely I'm not. All I could think of is writing this down. I need to remember what happened today (technically yesterday, since it's past midnight), and I want to remember how I feel.

We got the 90% confirmation that it was not going to be us the day before. It was no surprise. In fact, we would be surprised if it was. And I remember thinking, I was sad. But I didn't feel it.

So, 10 am this morning off I went to Subang. To pack my stuff. It's amazing how much (garbage) you can accumulate in 5 years, really. Still, in my head, I can 'feel' that I was sad, but my heart is not feeling it. So I thought, good. I'm going to be alright with all this.

8 pm I left Subang for KLIA. I am responsible for the handing over of the workstations there. Started going around at 9. Finished at 10.30pm. All went smoothly, just as expected.

Then, I drove home. As I reached Putrajaya, all of a sudden, tears started rolling down. And I just could not stop crying. I could not stop thinking of how crazy it was. Do people cry over a system like I was? Was I not the most crazy, emotional, probably weird engineer ever? I was crying over the lost of a system maintenance? How crazy is that?

And then it hit me. I did not just cry because the company had just lost the tender. I was crying because apparently, maais means a lot more to me than I ever realized.

I felt lost.

5 years ago, I was a desperate IT executive looking for a new job. I hated my job then although I really liked the company. I hated my superior. Try not hating a guy who had loudly announce to the Finance Manager right in front of everybody, that No, the girls (there were 2 of us) do not need a raise, because one is staying with her parents thus does not have a lot to pay for, (-that's my friend) and another one does not need a raise because well, she walks (damn four kilometres) to work so she doesn't need those extra money to pay for a car! (-that's yours truly).

Aaaanyway.. I got this new job after 2 gruelling interviews and miracles after miracles happened. I cannot tell you how proud I am to finally becoming an engineer. It's all I've ever wanted to be.

So, after being told before I left the company (by the same jerk of course) that I was, among other things "an extra luggage" to the company, you can understand why it was a miracle for me to finally feel that I was useful. That I was needed, and that I am good at what I'm doing. Maais gave me that. It gave me hope. And on top of that, I have a boss who never fails to tell me every single time that I did a good job. No matter how easy the task really is. And he pushes me to do better and better every time.

And now, maais is 'gone'. I am forced to start over. And I am scared.

Right this moment, I don't want to think about what good this change can bring. Right now I just want to mourn upon my loss, so tomorrow I can put a closure to this beautiful journey I've had for the past 5 years. And so with that, I can hopefully start an even better journey. Amin.

He remembers

Last night, I transferred some songs from my phone to Shahril's notebook. (We were testing the new bluetooth adaptor for the notebook). Then I played the bagpipe song on the notebook. Afiq who was watching TV then, ran to me and said, "Ada pedang ke?", sambil tengok the notebook screen.

I can't recall (told you my memory is lousy) when was it that Afiq heard the song. So I asked him, "Afiq pernah ke dengar lagu ni?" He answered, "Pernahhhhh". I asked, "kat mana?"

He paused. After a long.. 'hmmmmmmmmm" while rolling his eyes... He said, "Haaaaaa.... Penantin!!! (pengantin)". A few seconds later, "Uncle Mel kan penantin, ada pedang2?"

Then I remembered. During Amel's reception, we had that bagpipe music and the pedang2 guys. It was just that one time, and Afiq remembers the music! And that was last May!

Now I can't get the tune out of my head.

The bagpipe guys and the pedang guys.

The penantin. :)

The boy who remembers.

English 101

Before I begin, let me just clarify that I am not expert in this matter. And I'm not THAT particular either (as you can obviously see from my writing). BUT, I can safely say that I know the basics. And I AM particular about whatever basic knowledge I know about the English language.

This morning, I called the company who is in-charge of the network at the airport. I was greeted by one of those voice operator thingy. Don't know what it's called. You know, the one who's telling you to press 1 for Bahasa or 2 for English kinda voice. Only thing is, this voice did not ask me to choose the language, it's only in English. No problemo.

Next I heard this:

We ARE apologize, all our officers are busy at this moment!

Aiyoyo!!! And this voice is repeated every 30 seconds, I'm not joking! I hang up after the 6th time, it was giving me a headache and I felt embarrassed just listening to it!!

Remembrance...

Yesterday, after my family finished our Yasin recital, I decided to let myself feel. Akak, Ngah, Alang, Ipik and Uteh were trying to get Ummi to stand up. And I just sat there, on the chair by the bed. Could not move. Could not speak. I kept thinking, when was the last time I had a real hug from Ummi? When? WHEN?

And that makes me angry! Why are there soooo many things in my life that I cannot remember? And then it makes me sad, trying to remember how it felt to be hugged by Ummi. Not me hugging her. I thought I can feel the warmth, but I just don't remember.

My sisters remember better:
Akak remembers.
Ngah does too

What's on my mind

I don't normally write about my thoughts when I'm still thinking (about something in particular). I usually wait. Most of the time, by the time I finish thinking I dont feel like writing anymore. But this time, I feel like writing my rather jumbled up thoughts.

What happened was, the boss came with the bigger boss to my office today. And what they want to 'discuss' was our next assignment should we not win the next tender. You see, our contract with the client has expired last october. We're now running on a 3-month extension. And this extension period too is ending at the end of the month. And the chances of us winning it for the 3rd time in a row looks somewhat slim this time. So, just in case we don't win it, the 3 of us (yes, there are only 3 of us in the team) will be relocated.

I've been thinking about it too and had in fact discuss it informally with the boss. I was hoping to be transferred to KLIA. Distance wise is not much different from Kajang-Subang, but traffic and toll wise, it's superb! Work wise.. Ok-lah kot. But I thought that was the best bet.

But apparently the bigger boss had a different plan for me. He told me he has 2 positions to offer.. and both are going to be in our HQ in WangsaMaju. Now, I am very fond of WangsaMaju for some reason..but working there is not something I'm looking forward to. The first position he mentioned is something I KNOW I dont want to be doing. I tried that for about a year before joining this company 5 years ago, and that was probably the most miserable year of my life! But the 2nd positon he was offering sounds a lot more interesting. It will be a totally new thing for me and he realized that, but nonetheless, interesting. (At least that's what I think for now after doing a bit of a research).

I'm feeling a little apprehensive right now. I must have been in my comfort zone far too long than I thought. Five years ago, I was hired specially for this system we're maintaining now. The company had won the tender for the first time, and they were in a desperate need for an engineer. I was to join the team of only 3 people led by a very experienced (expat) senior engineer. And I was told to learn as much as I could from him. I know I haven't learnt it all, but I've learnt sooo much from him. And he is, without a doubt the best boss I've ever worked with. I have now (of course -after 5 years) understood the system almost inside out. The system and the end users (harder to understand and work with of course - them human). And I've been happy.

It is as if I'm living my dream life. The work is exciting. When there is a problem, we work like the world is crashing on us! But when everything is going smoothly, there's very minimal paper work to be done. And I could be writing blog entry one after another and no one cares! There are times when I had to go to sites at 3 am in the morning and found out that the 'real' problem is solved by just rebooting the workstation (which the user didn't want to do on their own and insist that I should come, otherwise some flights might be delayed - that's exaggerating, but just a little, trust me.) Or there were weekends when I cannot be out of KL/Selangor area because my boss is not in town and somebody has to be on stand by at all times. But really, it's too small to compare to the luxury of the (non-existent) workload.

I'm a little nervous thinking about working in a 'real' office environment. Sitting in cubicles... having your notebook screen exposed for the rest of the world to see, should they want to! Oh my! You guys cannot imagine how fun going to work has been for me is, really!

I go to work wearing T-shirt (provided by the company) on most days. When I feel like wearing something a little formal, I'll wear the corporate uniform. We don't have punch card or anything equivalent to that these days. My work starts at 8.. and on days that I'm running late (not often of course, I AM after all very particular about punctuality), all I have to do is sms my boss and say that I'll be a lil late because bla bla bla.. and he'll answer (without fail everytime) with an sms saying 'k'. :). If I need to go home earlier than 5.30... I just have to tell him, and off I go. In my 'office' which is actually a server room, we sit in a line... and nobody can read from behind my shoulder. And in front of me, there are 3 workstations and a very old and almost obsolete tandem server. It's freezing cold in here sometimes, but the company provided us with a jacket each, which the people at the HQ don't get. As I said earlier, there are only 3 of us in the team, so I've never felt 'rimas' here. And I like (for no reason at all) being the only girl here. I do.It makes me feel special. And nobody cares if my tudung does not suit my baju.

But on the other hand, career wise.. I do know that it's time for a change.

But who knows kan.. kalau ada rezeki we might just WIN the tender! (I prayyyyy so) That means another 3 years here. We're getting 2 new ppl to join us (this is if we win), there'll be shifts, and NO driving thru MRR2 to get to WangsaMaju. Hehe.Oh and the best part if we win is that, I can still wear t-shirt to work!


Oh well.... Que Sera Sera...

Of Labuan & KK Adventure

First of all, let me just say.. I've been wanting to write. Honestly. There are soooo many things to write about. About feeling and not feeling, about going places, about friends, family. About everything and nothing. If my thoughts can be automatically transferred to my blog, I'd have an entry every 5 minutes! But alas...

So, once upon a time.. probably back in October, I stumbled upon a great deal from MAS and jumped on it! Spending not even RM700 for the 4 of us to go to Labuan and come back to KL from KK is definitely a great deal, don't you think?

Dipendekkan cerita, we went there last week. I've always wanted to go to Labuan & KK. The only 2 states in Msia I've never been to. Shahril has been to Labuan numerous times, for work. And I hate not being able to imagine what Labuan is like when he talks about it. (Good excuse to go there, kan? Hehe). And KK is the birth place of my sisters. I just had to go there and see what it's like. Just because.

A month or so before going, I found out that a TKC friend was staying there. Amazing what Facebook can do to lost friendships. (Not really lost actually, but I've been out of the loop for some reason). So what started as dinner plans, turned out to be more! Jaja very kindly insisted that we stay at her house. Not only that, she also offered us to use her car! Murah betul our rezeki in Labuan. Thank you Ja!

We stayed only one night in Labuan. (We drove around the island in about an hour or so, imagine how small it is!) I-dee, another TKC friend who's teaching in UMS Labuan joined us for dinner and brought along the most delicious buttermilk crabs I've ever had! Oh just thinking about it makes me drool!! And she bought me a bday cake too! Thank you very much I-dee.

We spent the night catching up.. like we've never left off in the first place. And believe it or not, we haven't seen each other since we left school, and that was back in 1995!! Ok, maybe I should not really emphasize that I left school FOURTEEN years ago! :D

To Jaja... thank you for having us. I can never be as good host as you have been to us! (She even packed us food when we were leaving Labuan for KK on a ferry!) It was really, really nice seeing you girls! I'm already pestering Shahril to make his work trip to Labuan soon so I can tag along! Haha.

The 3-hour journey via ferry from Labuan to KK was uneventful, thank God! Afiq & Mariessa slept most of the time although it was freaking cold.

I love KK. I do. It rained most of the time we were there, but it was great nonetheless. We stayed in a nice little hotel called D'Borneo Hotel. A walking distance from the Pasar Besar KK, the Philipino Market, and the Pasar Ikan Masin (I think that's what it's called). I have a feeling we were probably the only locals staying there as we were surrounded by Mat Salehs during breakfast on both mornings!

Didn't shop too much this time. Just some pretty pretty pearls (oh they are sooo cheap!). Will definitely go there again! Soon. Hehe.

And now, I think I'm addicted to 'going away'. Is that possible? I've been thinking hard today about where we should go next. I've already found an excuse - it's our 5th wedding anniversary this May, so we should go somewhere. Just Shahril & I. But where? Suggestions pls? Not too far. (I'm reserving the travelling part for Moscow, echeh). No more flights pls. Where can KTM first class coach take us? Or maybe that Executive Coach or whatever they call that nice bus. Is Redang nice? Or Tioman? Or Perhentian?