No... I'm not mourning the entire time I'm away from blogosphere. Truth be told, I've not been away pun sebenarnya. Just away from my own blog, maybe. :) No, it's not that I've been busy with work either. I've been having wayyy too much time in my hands actually, that I've been delaying writing. Typical me. Bila rasa time's running out, baruuuu nak buat semua benda.

I'm just going to put my thoughts in point form this time. Easier.

1. It's my 2nd last day in our KLIA office. (read: having lots and lots of free time during office hours). Come Monday I'll start working in our HQ in WM, going to a 'whole new world', doing a 'whole new thing'. A fresh start. I'm excited. And nervous. And scared. And excited. Yes, excited twice. Saja.

2. Ummi was admitted to HUKM again after spending a few helluva days at 443. She cooked, she ate, she jalan2. She even went for a marhaban thingy. Then she got realllly sick. Unlike other times, she did not get better after 2 days in HUKM. She got really bad, but when we least expected it, she got better. For 2 days. Today, she's back to being 'bad'. Her health is going through a roller coaster. So are our emotions.

3. Took Afiq to see the Upin Ipin Movie. It was good. Got a lil bit too scary for Afiq in the middle though. I had to tell him that Ultraman's gonna show up soon to fight the 'raksasa'. It worked!! :D.

4. I've been googling and youtube-ing Hugh Jackman and Simon Baker all 2 days.
(Yes, THAT much time) I have NO idea why Australian men look and sound good this week. Last week was Michael Vartan week. Before that it was Jude Law.

Going to HUKM in 10 minutes. Maybe another entry tomorrow.

"At the end of the day, all you've got is your story, so try to make it a good one" - Australia

It's 9 minutes past midnight, and I just came back from the handing over of maais. I should be tired and sleepy after spending 14 hours in the office packing, but strangely I'm not. All I could think of is writing this down. I need to remember what happened today (technically yesterday, since it's past midnight), and I want to remember how I feel.

We got the 90% confirmation that it was not going to be us the day before. It was no surprise. In fact, we would be surprised if it was. And I remember thinking, I was sad. But I didn't feel it.

So, 10 am this morning off I went to Subang. To pack my stuff. It's amazing how much (garbage) you can accumulate in 5 years, really. Still, in my head, I can 'feel' that I was sad, but my heart is not feeling it. So I thought, good. I'm going to be alright with all this.

8 pm I left Subang for KLIA. I am responsible for the handing over of the workstations there. Started going around at 9. Finished at 10.30pm. All went smoothly, just as expected.

Then, I drove home. As I reached Putrajaya, all of a sudden, tears started rolling down. And I just could not stop crying. I could not stop thinking of how crazy it was. Do people cry over a system like I was? Was I not the most crazy, emotional, probably weird engineer ever? I was crying over the lost of a system maintenance? How crazy is that?

And then it hit me. I did not just cry because the company had just lost the tender. I was crying because apparently, maais means a lot more to me than I ever realized.

I felt lost.

5 years ago, I was a desperate IT executive looking for a new job. I hated my job then although I really liked the company. I hated my superior. Try not hating a guy who had loudly announce to the Finance Manager right in front of everybody, that No, the girls (there were 2 of us) do not need a raise, because one is staying with her parents thus does not have a lot to pay for, (-that's my friend) and another one does not need a raise because well, she walks (damn four kilometres) to work so she doesn't need those extra money to pay for a car! (-that's yours truly).

Aaaanyway.. I got this new job after 2 gruelling interviews and miracles after miracles happened. I cannot tell you how proud I am to finally becoming an engineer. It's all I've ever wanted to be.

So, after being told before I left the company (by the same jerk of course) that I was, among other things "an extra luggage" to the company, you can understand why it was a miracle for me to finally feel that I was useful. That I was needed, and that I am good at what I'm doing. Maais gave me that. It gave me hope. And on top of that, I have a boss who never fails to tell me every single time that I did a good job. No matter how easy the task really is. And he pushes me to do better and better every time.

And now, maais is 'gone'. I am forced to start over. And I am scared.

Right this moment, I don't want to think about what good this change can bring. Right now I just want to mourn upon my loss, so tomorrow I can put a closure to this beautiful journey I've had for the past 5 years. And so with that, I can hopefully start an even better journey. Amin.