Afiq dengan muka control macho nya. See the tangan yang dok berlingkar kat leher dia tu? Si kenit tu la kan, sapa lah lagi.

Haaa.. Ni lah kerja 2 beradik ni. Tak tau la konon2 naik kuda ke.. naik motor ke. Sebabnya.. diorg buat henjut2 mcm naik kuda.. tapi bunyi nya vroooommm!!! Ni idea si Mariessa ni, jangan tak tau. Kalau Afiq, by default, bolster tu geng lawan je dia buatnya. Ikut la, ada masa Ultraman (Tiga, Dyna, Nexus, Mebius - macam2 ada), sometimes Power Lenjes (Rangers), Spiderman, Batman.. semua lah.

How I wish they don't grow up oh so fast.

While browsing through the many pictures I have, baru teringat that I wanted to do an entry about us going to kebun2 durian to (obviously) kutip durian a few weeks back. Between my husband, his mom, his Wan and his uncles, they have a few kebuns scattered around the kampung. When we went back, it was almost the end of musim durian already. So tak lah byk sgt 'hasil'nya. Not that I mind anyway. I eat NO durian. Tempoyak, YES! Durian- No. Dodol yang perisa durian tu -No. Santan Durian / Serawa (?) - Yes. Weirdly picky, I know.

Annnyyywaaay... First we went here. It's extremely curam here. Can see a smaaaaall stream down there. That's my MIL in brown tudung. Nampak tak? Betul, adaaa! Kat bawahhhhhh nun. I stay kat atas only. Hehe.

First kutipan dah byk ni. Yang betul2 elok, makan. The rest - buat tempoyak. Oh trust me, Wan (Shahril's granma) punya stock tempoyak... 2 tahun belum tentu habis! Ada freezer KHAS for tempoyak ok? Kalau jual lah, we'll be tempoyak millionaire!

Next, is my favourite, favourite, favourite place.

I don't need to explain why, do I?

Have I told you that this is my favourite place?

Ok, What do you think Shahril is up to, here?

Can you find him?


Now, THIS is the reason why I only stayed at this side of the stream. Confession time: ME. PHOBIA. TITI. No macho me. I know.

Isn't this like the most subur pokok cempedak you've ever seen? Well, it is for me! Maybe we can be cempedak millionaire next. Once we've succeeded with the tempoyak, of course.

This was the last kebun we went to.

The last 2 durians for the trip. Alhamdulillah

Last2, penuh boot Waja tu dengan durian, langsat & cempedak. After that it took me berpuluh2 helai daun pandan, and beribu2 semburan Febreeze to get rid of the smell. Pening kepala, first sebab bau durian yang sgt harum itu... later sebab bau durian + daun pandan + febreeze. Fikir pun dah pening!

Basically at the moment I don't have much to do, work wise that is. Yesterday was super busy. Today, so far (except for the quick dash to Shah Alam to the binding shop) is super free. I feel like blogging but I dont feel like writing. So I've decided to play around with the template instead.

Bear with me, OK. Me and codes, kawan tipu tipu only...

Afiq has been going to school since the 1st of the month. It’s more like a daycare actually, no uniforms or anything, but they have ‘activities’. Like teaching the kids to solat, and mengaji as well. And I want him to mingle with other kids. So far it’s been good, alhamdulillah. The first week he went, whenever I asked him how was school today, he’ll answer ‘Seronok!” and if I ask him whether he wants to go to school the next day, the answer will always be.. ‘Tak Nak!”. Hehe..

But this week .. bangun pagi aje, dia yang bagitau Tri (my maid) that he wants to go to school. The school is just a few houses away from my house, so Tri walks Afiq to school. (I wish I could do that :( ) And it really looks like he’s enjoying school. The other night he showed me how the ‘Ummi’ at school taught him how to perform solat. It makes me happy, and sad at the same time. It’s not that the act of solat is new to him, he often joins us during our solat, meniarap for sujud and all, but I guess he gains more when learning with his friends. And it makes me feel a little sad, because I learnt it all from MY ummi (my mom). Solat, mengaji, all the works. (My mom used to teach kids around our area mengaji when I was little). It makes me feel incompetent somehow, as a mother. I suppose this is a dilemma faced by all working mothers, isn’t it?

And sejak dah pergi sekolah ni, ada la nampak perubahan kat Afiq. Like, the tantrums had reduced to maybe around 50%. Seriously! He is a lot calmer these days. 50% of the time lah at least kan.

One night, before I went to bed, and he was still awake, I asked for a goodnight kiss (for like the thousandth time). He gave me a bigggg hug, kissed me on both cheeks and said…

“Afiq saaaaayang pada mama” (Pada, ok? I have never said that! I usually say I love you, or Mama saaaayang Afiq… but never ‘pada’.. hehe)

Almost cried.. syahdunyaaa rasa.

Today I told him he doesn’t have to go to school. (I think 5 days a week (8am-5pm) is still a bit too tiring for him, so I want him to stay home on Fridays). First he agreed, then he disagreed, then he re-agreed (sebab tengok TV). And when I got into the office, I gave home a call. He picked up the phone, and said..

“Mama… kenapa mama telefon telefon ni? Afiq kan tengah cuti… tengok TV!”

Adoilaaaaaaa…. Macam laa TV deprived sgt. Haha.

Mariessa at first was a little lost whenever Afiq goes to school. Selalunya ada je orang nak fight with, kan? And she became clingy to my maid. But now, she is used to it already. Once a day, she’ll point to the home phone, and said Mama!! Then Tri will call me, and I’ll speak to Mariessa.

She’s starting to pick up on her vocabulary. I can usually understand 20-25% of what she’s saying. But she, on the other hand can understand probably 85-90% of what I say to her, without having me to repeat myself. Like one night, before we went upstairs. I said:

“Adik, ambik botol atas meja, letak kat sinki dapur..and then kemas semua toys ni (berselerak atas lantai) masuk kotak (toy chest), lepas tu jom kita naik atas tido!” (Okay, so I’m bossy like that.. :P )

And she did everything, there and then! Walked to the dining table, took her empty milk bottle, walked to the kitchen and dumped it into the sink. She then walked back to the living hall, picked up all the toys from the floor. Threw them into the chest, closed it, and then walked to the bottom of the stairs, pointed to the gate we have installed there, and said.. “mmmmmmbukaaa!!!”

Amazing, really! My kid is a genius! Haha..

Oh, did I ever say she is now officially terrified of doctors? Show her the stethoscope, it would be enough to make her scream her lungs out! I think it’s going to be a long time before she’ll be comfortable seeing a doctor. *sigh*

Ummi, like Akak said.. is doing a lot better these days. She’s clearly hoping to be discharged as soon as possible. She gets fever easily, so that’s worrying. Other than that, I think she’s on the right track. She made friends particularly with the makcik next to her (Mak Mah). Mak Mah is a very happy go lucky makcik and I think she cheers ummi up. Mak Mah said the doctor told her she has to be given antibitotics for another 4 weeks, so at least Ummi has her around for another month or so. They go for a walk around the ward together, they teman each other to the bathroom (just in case either of them gets too tired or anything happens) and Ummi said, whenever Ummi demam, Mak Mah will be the one tolong basahkan towel and put it on Ummi’s forehead. Cute eh? Blessings come in so many ways kan?

Workwise, we have completed all the upgrading work we were doing. So no more climbing towers 5 times a day for me. Yey! Now I’m back to the ‘maintenance’mode of my job. As my boss had aptly described it, maintenance is waiting for a disaster to happen. Until then… I’ll be sitting here, counting my blessings. ;-)

Alhamdulillah, after 6 days in the ICU, Ummi was transferred to the High Dependency Ward (HDW). And after only 1 day there, Ummi is now in the Medical Ward.

She has improved quite a lot in these few days, Alhamdulillah. Yesterday when I went to see her at the HDW, the first thing she said to me was, “Esok Ummi boleh balik dah”. Which was not true, of course. She was a little delusional yesterday. A bit ‘high’ lah. But the doctor said, it was nothing to be worried about, as it may be the effect of the medications. And this morning, Akak said she is no more delusional. Alhamdulillah.

Having said that, we’re still being cautious about the whole thing. The doctor yesterday said that Ummi has to be on this particular antibiotics (Fortum, if I’m not mistaken), for at least another 6 weeks! And this antibiotics can only be given via intravenous, so that means it’s going to be at least another 6 weeks of hospital stay!! We haven’t told her about the 6 weeks though. We’re afraid it might upset her (who wouldn’t be?). 6 weeks is a long time. It will most probably be Eid then. But as long as she is improving, and pain free, we’re grateful.

It’s hard (for me) to explain what Ummi is ill from. They were so many diagnosis, we can hardly keep up.

When we were in KPMC, the doctor mentioned: Pneumonia, lung infection, liver abscess and gall stones.

In HUKM, doctors mentioned: lung infection, gall stones (they did ERCP and did something about it), liver abscess, liver cirrhosis and finally melioidosis (after the operation).

I think I may have forgotten 1 or 2. Byk sgt.

But anyway, I'd like to thank everybody who has joined us in our do'a for Ummi's recovery. It means a lot to us. We still have a long way to go and we will (of course) keep on praying. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

First and foremost, thank you to everyone who had asked about my Mom. I’ve been meaning to write. It’s just that, it’s difficult.

Today is Ummi’s 20th day in HUKM and her 4th day in the ICU. She had to go for an emergency operation on Thursday night. The operation took about 3 hours. Doctors did not find anything (they thought something might have ‘burst’ inside her tummy, causing her pain), except to establish that her liver is damaged and that ‘water’ which was initially in her lungs, was then everywhere.

It was frustrating. Because I was hoping they would find something. So that we can fix that something. Although in reality, it might not be that simple, but at least we know. Not knowing is much more terrifying.

The doctors told us that the operation was going to be a high risked one. But the risk is higher if the DON”T do it. And they didn’t think Ummi was going to survive without it.

After the op, Ummi was taken to the ICU, and she’s been there since. Her breathing is helped by a machine. She has all sorts of tubes, and wires around her. It’s a sight I have never, ever, thought of seeing. On anyone! Let alone on Ummi.

The doctor, on Friday described her condition as – ‘sgt tenat’. On Saturday, it’s still the same. On Sunday, she was breathing on her own for a few hours, but I guess it was too much for her body to take. She started coughing vigorously. We could not hear the coughing sound from her, but the sound from one of the machines was enough to tell that she was in pain. They had to do the suction a few times. So, she was put back on the breathing machine, and they increase the dose of the sedation.

I don’t know just how many times my heart broke. Sometimes when I think I’m a little stronger, when I let my defense loose a little bit, that’s when I’ll break down. Yesterday it was her coughing. It looks so painful, it makes me cry. Other times it was as simple as nothing. Just seeing her, touching her hair, her face, her feet. The emotional turmoil is at times too much to take. I feel helpless, useless. I wish there’s just something I can do. Anything. Anything at all.

Sometimes, in my weakest moments, I thought to myself, If I squeeze my eyes hard enough, then maybe.. just maybe…I could wake up from this bad, bad dream.

And many times… when the doctors seemed unsure of what Ummi is ill from, I can’t help but to wish that the whole mystery is more like a mathematical equation or something. So that I can work it out day and night, to find the solution. At least then, I can do something.

The doctors advised us to see Ummi before the operation. According to Akak, who was there when the doctors explained about the operation, the doctor kept asking, ‘do you understand what we’re trying to say?’. And we do. We do understand what they were trying to imply. It was not an easy fact to digest, but we cannot afford to be in denial as well.

And so we stayed with her. We waited with her, until the OT is ready, until she was taken to the OT. In the ward, before she was taken to the OT, she said… “ kalau ada pen dengan kertas ni, Ummi ada benda nak pesan” And so, Ummi tinggalkan pesan.

Dear friends & the few readers of this blog, I’d be very, very grateful if you could include my mom in your prayers. It would mean so much to me & my husband, my Ummi, my Abah, my 2 sisters and my 5 brothers. Thank you, from all of us.