Need to get this out of my system.

Ummi was discharged from HUKM yesterday, which came to me as a surprised because I don't think she was well enough to be discharged. Her health will never be OK again, I've accepted that. But it was obvious to me that she was way from being fit to be discharged. But hey, I'm not the one to decide.

So my brother took her home petang semalam. She was weak (jalan pun terketar2). And her mind was wandering God knows where to. Tri (my maid) cerita, as soon as she was home, she went straight to her room. When asked, she said she wanted some water to drink. She then took one of the pillows, yes pillows, and hold it like it was a water bottle and pretended she was drinking from it. :(

During dinner, I asked her to join us. She did. One suap.. and then she said, dah takde selera.

This morning, I woke up and found out that she had peed on the floor in her room. And the thing is, she was wearing a diaper! She must have taken it off, and thought that after one or two steps she was already at the bathroom, and peed there, at the door (of the room). That's what happened (a few times) before.

And just a few minutes ago, Tri said Mariessa had announced to her that Opah had peed again. This time at the living hall, in front of the TV. And this was only after 10 minutes Tri had betulkan her diaper and went to the back to sidai baju.

Oh before that, she had gone to the front door and said she wanted to go to the airport. I have no idea why. Maybe because she remembers that Akak is coming back from her Europe trip today?

Doctors kata, it's her liver yang buat dia macam ni. it's called "hepatic encephalopathy", if anyone is interested to find out. And the severity has 4 'grades':

* Grade 1 - Trivial lack of awareness; Euphoria or anxiety; Shortened attention span; Impaired performance of addition. 67% of cirrhotic patients may have 'minimal hepatic encephalopathy'.
* Grade 2 - Lethargy or apathy; Minimal disorientation for time or place; Subtle personality change; Inappropriate behavior; Impaired performance of subtraction
* Grade 3 - Somnolence to semistupor, but responsive to verbal stimuli; Confusion; Gross disorientation
* Grade 4 - Coma (unresponsive to verbal or noxious stimuli)

If I'm not mistaken, a doctor mentioned that Ummi's at Grade 3.

I don't know why it's affecting me (emotionally) badly this time. All these had happened before. I lost count of how many times, really. Not that I should be keeping count pun kan?

Entahla. As I said, I just need to get this out of my system. For now.

4 Responses
  1. noordinarymomster Says:

    Hope your mum will be at least a little bit better, if not fully.

    My prayers are with you!

  2. hani Says:


    it must be a lot for you all..and with you pregnant...kuatkan semangat ok?

    My prayers, too are with you and family..

  3. Enida Says:

    I read you, lil sis. And I read it all. And I read it all with you in my heart. My system.

  4. Reenaz Says:

    Ainil dearie..i know this must be a very hard time for you be strong kay...I know at times when things like this happens, you feel down and weak..i have those moments a lot too....sigh...tapi kita doa yea Ainil...doa for the best, doa for hope...Insya-Allah..I give you a BIIIIIG be strong kay, I know its easier said that done, heck I'm telling that word to myself each day and yet I am down too at times...Insya-Allah you are strong yea and take care of the baby in the tummy ya ;)