We went back to Temerloh on Friday night. Had a good weekend basically. As usual, I tried not to be bothered too much about the condition of the house. I used to be very mad at my parents whenever I come home. I still don’t get it why; why would they behave the way they do, why would they live the way they do.

A few years back, our house was much smaller. To add to that, most of us were still staying at home then. But I never remembered the house being so messy. Now the house is bigger. We have more space, and only 2 of my brothers are staying with my parents. Ironically, I cant remember the last time I’ve seen the house clean. What went wrong?

The stories too deep. I have long decided I will not “go there” anymore. I will not try to analyze the situation anymore. It will just make me angry. If my mom doesn’t cook anymore whenever I come home, then fine. I cook. If I’m not in the mood, we’ll just buy. I used to be upset.. and sad.. and disappointed when that happens. But I realized, it will not change anything. So I forced myself to stop feeling anything bad. I sometimes feel numb. But I figured that’s so much better than feeling angry.

I’m thinking of getting everyone (my sisters and my brothers) to go home and do a gotong royong, once and for all. I hope the idea will be well accepted by them and them at home. Something needs to be done. I don’t know how my mom can stand seeing her stuff all over the house. Sigh. What happens to her? Okay, so I will not wonder anymore.

I figured my parents are not getting any younger. We don’t know how much time left.. for us, and for them. And that is why I don’t want to feel any anger, or sadness or anything bad towards them. And as much as I can.. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.I don’t want to regret anything when they’re gone.

I hope we would be able to put the house in order once more. If it’s not too much to hope for, I hope my mom will go back to her old self. My dad? I don’t know. He has been him all this while. I cant remember a different him. So I cant say I hope he would go back to his old self. But I can say I hope he will be a better man. Maybe it’s time for him to try being a good husband to his wife. It’s never too late.

Despite all that, I was glad to be home. And we had a good weekend. Hubby got a good sleep. I didn’t get angry at anyone. And most importantly Afiq had a wonderful time with the grandparents and his uncles. Well spent weekend neverteless.


I received an sms from a good friend at 6 am on Monday. She said her father just passed away. I was shocked. Didn’t know that her father was sick or anything. Then Hubby says, “orang sihat pun mati juga, kalau dah sampai ajal” That is so very true. And it convinced me that I did the right thing by not being mad at my parents. We don’t know how much time left. And I don’t want to spend any moment being angry, if that is all possible.


Went to KLIA with my tech guy. We do maintenance there. Most of the time he goes alone but this time around my boss wants me to “show our faces to the clients sometimes”. I always hated his driving. But I never hated it more than on Monday. I once caught him sleeping while driving!! And to my annoyance, his ever so demanding wife called when we were about to reach our office, and in his ignorance, we almost hit the road divider!! You want to flip –close your phone, do lahhh.. but you don’t have to LOOK at the phone while you close it and put it in your pocket!! Stupid dumb dumb. The moment we arrived, I jumped out of the van.. and thank God I was still alive. I have soooooooooooooooooo many things to say about this guy.. but I’m not here to tambah dosa.. hehe..

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