I finally had the courage to do it. I picked up the phone, called the place, asked whatever questions I need answers to. Then after work, while Hubby and Afiq stayed at home I went out and did it. It was scary as expected. It was not as painful as I thought it would be (my consolation thought was what pain could be worse than giving birth? I know dying is worse, but hey, I have not experienced that obviously).

Had a good half an hour chat with the doctor before we proceeded. I honestly thought of melarikan diri when she explained that there is a possibility that "it" cannot be done the "normal" way since I had a caesarian section. Plus she said, I may experience more pain than others. That surely freaked me out.

But anyway, since I was there I gave it a try anyway. Did it hurt? Yes a little. Reminded me of the "checks" my gynae did just before I gave birth. But it wasn't so bad, now that I'm over it.

So yes. I had IUD inserted. I feel soooooo much better now. Afiq will (most probably) be 3 the next time I have to see a gynae. InsyaAllah. Long shot eh? ;-)
We went back to Temerloh on Friday night. Had a good weekend basically. As usual, I tried not to be bothered too much about the condition of the house. I used to be very mad at my parents whenever I come home. I still don’t get it why; why would they behave the way they do, why would they live the way they do.

A few years back, our house was much smaller. To add to that, most of us were still staying at home then. But I never remembered the house being so messy. Now the house is bigger. We have more space, and only 2 of my brothers are staying with my parents. Ironically, I cant remember the last time I’ve seen the house clean. What went wrong?

The stories too deep. I have long decided I will not “go there” anymore. I will not try to analyze the situation anymore. It will just make me angry. If my mom doesn’t cook anymore whenever I come home, then fine. I cook. If I’m not in the mood, we’ll just buy. I used to be upset.. and sad.. and disappointed when that happens. But I realized, it will not change anything. So I forced myself to stop feeling anything bad. I sometimes feel numb. But I figured that’s so much better than feeling angry.

I’m thinking of getting everyone (my sisters and my brothers) to go home and do a gotong royong, once and for all. I hope the idea will be well accepted by them and them at home. Something needs to be done. I don’t know how my mom can stand seeing her stuff all over the house. Sigh. What happens to her? Okay, so I will not wonder anymore.

I figured my parents are not getting any younger. We don’t know how much time left.. for us, and for them. And that is why I don’t want to feel any anger, or sadness or anything bad towards them. And as much as I can.. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.I don’t want to regret anything when they’re gone.

I hope we would be able to put the house in order once more. If it’s not too much to hope for, I hope my mom will go back to her old self. My dad? I don’t know. He has been him all this while. I cant remember a different him. So I cant say I hope he would go back to his old self. But I can say I hope he will be a better man. Maybe it’s time for him to try being a good husband to his wife. It’s never too late.

Despite all that, I was glad to be home. And we had a good weekend. Hubby got a good sleep. I didn’t get angry at anyone. And most importantly Afiq had a wonderful time with the grandparents and his uncles. Well spent weekend neverteless.


I received an sms from a good friend at 6 am on Monday. She said her father just passed away. I was shocked. Didn’t know that her father was sick or anything. Then Hubby says, “orang sihat pun mati juga, kalau dah sampai ajal” That is so very true. And it convinced me that I did the right thing by not being mad at my parents. We don’t know how much time left. And I don’t want to spend any moment being angry, if that is all possible.


Went to KLIA with my tech guy. We do maintenance there. Most of the time he goes alone but this time around my boss wants me to “show our faces to the clients sometimes”. I always hated his driving. But I never hated it more than on Monday. I once caught him sleeping while driving!! And to my annoyance, his ever so demanding wife called when we were about to reach our office, and in his ignorance, we almost hit the road divider!! You want to flip –close your phone, do lahhh.. but you don’t have to LOOK at the phone while you close it and put it in your pocket!! Stupid dumb dumb. The moment we arrived, I jumped out of the van.. and thank God I was still alive. I have soooooooooooooooooo many things to say about this guy.. but I’m not here to tambah dosa.. hehe..

I'm writing this entry from my new notebook. Yey!! Finally after 2 years. (the contract is finishing and they're giving me this now, weird really). I hope this is a sign that they will either extend my contract for another 2 years, or better still "absorb" me in permanently.

For now, I'm going to enjoy my new notebook. I'm a bit jakun.. but who cares!

Lalalalalaaaaaaaaa la laaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaa.....
We are going balik kampung to Jolobu tomorrow. It's musim buah, and it's hard to resist from balik kampung. Not that I'ma ll that crazy about fruits anyway. Just for the fun of it.

The last we went back to Jelebu was 2 weeks ago. That was Wira's last long distance journey with us. It was actually the first time we took Wira back instead of Honda, but last 2 weeks we didn't think Honda was fit for the journey.

For the first time in my life, I went to a dusun durian to kutip durian. Have never ever done that. Despite my being demam, I thot it was just something I don't want to miss. So we went, me and Hubby. Of course we can't take Afiq along. Gilo apo? It was fun allright, despite my running nose. It was fun watching Hubby climbing the pokok langsat too. How very de macho! Hehe. Hubby says I looked like taiko kampung.. with the oversized pants.. and the cap.

We took some fruits back. And I had a tough time trying to get rid of the durian smell in Wira. Thanks to those who invented Febreeze. It actually works! I got rid of the smell, justttt before we sent Wira to the shop.

So I told Hubby, we will NOT take any durian back this time. NO.. NO.. Plus I dont eat durian anyway. Langsat yes, rambutan yes, manggis OH YESS!! durian NO. Hubby says ok. Yey.. Sapa tak sayang kereta baru ye tak? Echewah!!

Hubby is obviously excited about going home tomorrow. It's like showing his new toys. Hmm.. there's a boy in every man, yes?

I bought a FujiFilm digital camera online 2 days ago. I actually went crazy and bidded online, and (obviously) WON! So far I still think it's worth it. Very very handy. Next is to buy a rechargable battery set. The camera eats up battery like crrrrazy! Once i get the battery.. I'll be snapping pictures..like crrrrrraaazyyy!!

Happy weekends, people. Be good!!
I have NEVER been happier to see my 'peot' finally came.
Don't ask!
I told my friend, Deknun about the existence of this blog. She knew my old blog of course, but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone (yet) about this blog. I don't know why. I want to tell, but I dont really want to tell. Does that make sense? Well, maybe not. I don't always make sense anyway. So, that's not new.

Talked to Deknun about her wedding preparations. She's tying the knot this August, and I am most definitely happy for her. I am actually looking forward to attend her kenduri. It would be Afiq's first kenduri kahwin. ;) How very exciting!!

Talking about wedding preparations with Deknun, reminds me of my time doing it. Oh, how very busy I was. Everything needed to be bought and carefully thought of. It was hectic, nerve wrecking, tiring.. but darn exciting! I felt like shouting "Hey World!! I'm getting MMMAAARRRIIIIEEEEDDDD!!" And the best thing of all, i'm marrying the man of my dreams. A man I thought did not, could not, exist for the whole idea seemed a little too ideal. I've always dreamed of a guy who would have the guts to just ask me to marry him. A guy who is in love (enough) with me, to have no doubts whatsoever in proposing to me. And I've always thought that it would definitely be nice if I could find someone, get married and fall real hard in love AFTER we're married. And a small miracle if you want to call it that, along came Hubby. Though he didnt exactly proposed on our first date, he made his intentions clear enough for me to understand. And it took us only 2 months from our first date to get enganged, and another 4 months to get married. And yes, I fell in love with my husband over and over and over again.


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way.

That this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

So dear, I've said this this morning when you sent me to work like I always do, and I say this every night before we both fell asleep, and you know I'll say this just whenever I feel like saying it, because I do mean it. I can't say it enough, but I'll just tell you now, one more time.. I love you so!!
It's our last day with Honda.. AND Wira. Yes, we've decided to let both cars go. From tomorrow onwards, Waja will be the new member of our small family. If we can survive with just one car, we'll probably stick to that for as long as we can. If not, we'll add a smaller member to the family soon. I'm hoping things will go just fine with us having just one car. Other people can do it, why not us? I am extremely looking forward to not having to pay good money monthly for the car. And to a certain extend, the idea of "bersusah-susah sikit" for the time being is, errr for the lack of a better word, nice. I don't want us to feel so senang that we are afraid to feel susah. That's always the case isn't it? You won't miss what you never had. I don't want to have so many things now, I want to feel the struggle, so I will always appreciate the things I own. Gosh.. I hope I won't miss not having my very own car.

As funny as it may sound like, both me and my husband are not exactly happy to have our new car tomorrow. Deep down I feel guilty. Guilty if I were happy to have a new car, and letting Wira go. I know Hubby feels the same way too. But like he said, cars are just "things". There are so many other important matters than just "things". I know. But can't help feeling sad all the same.

On a lighter, and much happier note, we finally made a reservation for our very first holiday. It's going to be in September and I am soooooo looking forward to that. Afiq's first trip via air. Yey!

Ah, the weekend is here. Finally. Can stay home, and do nothing. Have a good weekend, everybody!!