It was definitely one heck of a week, right after I wrote my last entry. Like I said, I was looking forward to go for a picnic on Saturday in Ulu Kalong, but the night before the picnic, Afiq suddenly developed a fever. First we thot, sikit je lah. But on Saturday morning, right before we went to Ngah's place to berkumpul before going, Afiq was scratching his body, all over. Rashes naik. Badan pun naik merah. Never happened before.

So we went to Ngah's place, send some things there, just in case we cannot make it. Went to Klinik Mesra in Bangi. Dipendekkan cerita, the temp was 39C! And the Dr said, the rashes 'came' out because of the high temperature.

After discussing it for a while, we decided we could still go to the picnic. Kot2 lah Afiq will feel better kan. Usually he's like that.. bila dah bagi ubat.. terus hilang sakit.

Ulu Kalong was nice! Best sgt! The chalet was simple, tapi best. Air sungai dia.. laaagi best! But Afiq didn't get better. After probably 2 hours, we decided to bring him to KPMC instead.

Kat KPMC.. Dr checked, still very high temp. Put him on drips because he was already dehydrated (refused to eat & drink). And he was given an injection for the rashes to stop him scracthing. Mula2 tu OK.. but baru je habis separuh the drip, he started to garu2 again.. and the temp went up. So Dr kata, kena admit. By then, i think it was 8 pm or so.

After settling in, Mariessa & I went back to pack for Shahril &
Afiq. Then tapau-ed dinner (had to wait for an hour, tension betul! Kena sound 2-3 round cashier tu, nasiblah. Dah kena pangkah itu restoran Cik Kiah). Had dinner in the hospital room. Went back home with Mariessa at about midnight. Mmg penat!

Next day, Alhamdulillah Afiq was discharged. Terus elok! So dapat la kitorg balik Jelebu for Raya Haji.

Ptg raya Haji, balik Kajang semula. Next morning I flew off
to Kuching. Flight was delayed for an hour. Work in Kuching was ok, thank God. But the moment I got to Kuching, start batuk2. Came back to KL on Thursday night. Penat and not feeling well.

Batuk batuk batuk the whole weekend. Bangun2 pagi isnin.. Mata pulak merah2! Pegi KPMC.. dapat MC.

Hah.. mengingatkannya pun penat! But despite the pegi sana pegi sini, we're doing just fine. For the first few days tu, rasa mcm buat laundryyyyy je non-stop. Byk betul! Laundry and ngemas, takde lah lain. Funny, but so far I've enjoyed ironing the clothes as well! Folding not so much. Maybe it's because of the new iron. (Dont ask what happened to the old one. Not my fault, really. Honestly. Hehe). Takde baju2 berlonggok dalam bakul ok? I'm sooo proud of myself. Yey Me!!!

Am looking forward to hopefully an uneventful weekend. I'm still coughing badly. Shahril, Afiq and Mariessa are starting. Sigh!. My voice is so serak & sexy now. Nak cakap pun susah.

Some not-so-recent pictures of Afiq & Mariessa, to brighten
up this otherwise mundane entry.

Gotong royong dua beradik

I'm happy and proud to report that so far we're doing extremely well. :)
I know it has only been one day (being maidless), saja je ngada2. Kasik can la k? ;)

My maid's flight was delayed from 1850 to first 2110 and later 2145. We waited until she has gone through the immigration and then we left LCCT. By the time we get to Ngah's house, it was already 8pm. It's still (very) early by general standard I know.. but for us, it's considered a little late.By 'us' I mean.. Shahril, me and the children. We don't really go to bed THAT early-lah.. but usually.. by 8pm or so, o
n weekdays that is, we'll already be in the bedroom playing with the children while trying to catch the news... or.. sometimes, all of us will already be asleep. Tu sebab kalau lepas pukul 8 je.. mata masing2 pun dah kuyu.

Am looking forward to tomorrow's picnic with 443 cla
n. Dah lamaaaaaa tak pegi picnic. We're going back to Jelebu on Sunday and coming back to Kajang on Monday. Then on Tuesday I have to leave for Kuching until Thursday for work. This will be the first time Shahril is going to handle Afiq & Mariessa alone for 3 days! I'm pretty sure everything will be fine. Bonding time with the children eh? :)

And I'm very, very sure... I'll be missing them terribly. These two dan bapaknya juga.

Have a good longer-than-usual weekend, peeps. Selamat Menyambut Aidil Adha. :)

In a few minutes, I'll be going home.. to fetch the children and the maid, and then we're going to LCCT. Am sending my maid back for cuti.. for, let's see.... 44 days! (Mcm org dalam pantang pulak bunyi nya, hehe).

As much as I think it will be chaotic from now on, I am actually looking forward to this. To do everything my way albeit the kelam kabut that comes with it, I'm sure.

Print out the list of things to be put inside the children's bag every morning so we wont forget anything. Check.

Plan and jot down everyday schedule. What time to wake up (earlier by half an hour), when to do laundry, ironing and what nots. Check.

Prepare mentally to do house chores. Check. (prepare ok, prepare.. One can only hope. hehe)

I am excited. It's a little funny I know. It's not like I don't have a good relationship with my maid. I do. She's ok. We get along well. Ada la masa rasa nak marah, of course.. but nama pun manusia kan. Tambah yang jenis temperature mudah naik, like moi. Haha.. But yes, I'm looking forward.

The only setback is.. I am sooooooo not looking forward to lipat baju.. and lebih2 lagi gosok baju. Oh tidak!!!

Any volunteers? Momster? Hahahahah...

Woopss.. Shahril's here. Chiow!

So I've been slacking. Perasaan nak tulis tu actually membuak-buak. (Exaggerating a little there, but ada la sikit2). But Ya Tuhan, malas nyaaa.. A lot has happened since the last entry. Unusual amount of travelling, in comparison to our normal Kajang-Subang-Shah Alam for work and Kajang-Jelebu or Kajang-Temerloh for balik kampung. This month (November that is - mana la tau kot2 this entry gets stuck as a draft til December kan), on top of the normal places we go to, we managed to add Kulai, Genting, Bangkok, and Vietnam to our list! Kulai & Genting with Afiq & Mariessa, Bangkok just me and Shahril, and Vietnam Shahril alone. And I think December will see me going to Kuching to troubleshoot right after Raya Haji, maybe a short trip for Shahril to Labuan for work, and in January the 4 of us are going for a trip to Labuan and KK. We sure do have a lot to look forward to!

Our trip to Genting was supposedly just for me and Shahril to konon2 unwind. To get away. Feels like we've been working so hard (okay, so that part maybe is more relevant to Shahril than me.. hahaha).. and with all that has happened these last few months, we thought we needed a break. But just a few days before our Genting trip, I was instructed to attend a seminar in Bangkok. Pujuk2 Shahril to come with me, so in the end tak sampai hati nak tinggal budak2 berdua tu byk2 kali pulak. So they came with us to Genting.

Genting was OK. Started on a rough note.. with hundreds of people checking in at the First World Hotel. We reached there at about 1200.. and had to take a number to check in. Almost 300 numbers before our number is up! I'm not kidding! Patah hati betul tengok numbers tu. True they have like almost 30 counters.. but still! Took them almost 3 hours to clear that 300 ppl before us. Pheewww..

Dapat2 kunci.. pegi kat bilik.. the key won't work
! Punya la sakit hati. So I had to go back to the counter to complain. Wahhh!! got queue also you know to complain! Beraturrr lah lagi. Kena tukar bilik pulak. Sampai kat bilik.. mmg betul la orang kata.. kecikkkkkkkkkk giler bilik kat sana! If we had known we were going to bring the children along, I dont think we would have chosen the hotel in the first place. In conclusion..I dont think we will ever stay there again.

Tak larat dah nak tulis. I'll let the pictures tell the story k? (Tiba2 mood malas dtg, hehe)

Tak tau la apa relevance Chelsea Bus ngan Genting.

Afiq dah pandai posing. I don't know why but everytime we ask Mariessa to smile for the camera, she will do the kaki-kangkang and tonggek pose like this. Kira sexy kot aa?

To prove my point. See?

Anak2 I mmg suka dengan vehicles. Tak kira lah apa. Epopolane (aeroplane) ke, Thomas (train) ke, Cars ke.. mmg dah jadi minat Afiq. Mariessa biasala.. apa abg suka.. dia tumpang sekali.

See? Semuaaa dia nak cuba

Sama kan muka? Heheh. Anak ayah katakan..

Awal2 nampak these flying jumbo.. Afiq dah excited nak naik. So right after we finished one round in the park naik kereta antik yang terkedek2.. we got on the flying jumbo!!

Then it was this flying spacecar pulak!

After that, naik Thomas (Afiq calls all trains Thomas). Punyaaaa lah slow train ni. Sampaikan Afiq pun naik boring. "Kenapa Thomas ni slow sgt ni Ma?" hehe

Afiq gayat nak naik kuda ni. Ntah apa2 ntah. So he sat with me on the seats provided. Last2 Ayahnya yg naik. One happy man, this one! ;)

Ni Shahril nak sgt try. So he tried. Sementara dia try this one, we waited kat tepi. Tu pun afiq menangis2 nak ikut.. Mariessa menangis2 "nak ayah!!! nak ayah!!" Adoi laaa pening. One Indian tourist come and ambik gambar Afiq tengah nangis. He said, "Smile, beta, smile.." trying to cheer Afiq up. One nice guy.

But the trip ended well. Tak dapat nak main byk sgt, since we were with the children.. main yg Family games je. Jadikla. But we'll definitely go there again, just the 2 of us. Hehe.

Cerita lain, lain kali rajin k? ;)

Ummi was supposed to start her chemo last Monday, after a week break. However on Monday, the doctors who were checking on her found reasons to do further checks on her liver.

She was released to go home for a few days again, until we can get the appointment to do liver biopsy. She's been staying at Ngah's since last Friday until today.

Akak brought her to HUKM today, to be warded again. Liver biopsy is scheduled for tomorrow.

Akak read the doctor's report and it stated there that the myeloma has progressed to Stage 2.

I seriously, in all honesty.. didn't think it was THIS aggressive.

I am devastated.

The whole day yesterday, all I could think about was 1) baking something. Anything. I just need to bake. 2) Our upcoming trip to Labuan and KK, which I am soooo excited about.

So i surfed, and surfed.. looking for a recipe that looks promising enough. And I found this. After dinner terus buat this muffin sambil sekejap2 lari gi tengok The Amazing Race Asia 3 on TV. This muffin is said to taste exactly like Kenny Roger's Vanilla (Original) Muffin. Thing is, the only muffin I remember (and loved dearly) from Kenny Roger's is their Corn Muffin which is no longer available. What a shame. Sedap giler itu muffin. Annnyyyway, the muffin turned out good albeit too sweet for me. Itu pun dah reduced from the recipe. Next time have to reduce the sugar some more.

Muffin ni tersangatttlah senangnya nak buat. Ingredients are simple, method is even simpler. And to have the whole house smelling of Vanilla, is just divine!

I added chocolate rice, so that it wouldn't be so plain. Plan to send some to Afiq's school.

The in-house muffin critic. Yey! I passed! His eyes sparkled when I told him to bring some for his friends the next day.

Am looking forward to our trip down south tomorrow for a wedding. Just feel like travelling jauh2 sikit with the kids. Come January, we'll be going to the only state in Malaysia that I haven't gone to - Sabah. Got a really good deal from MAS. Can't wait!

For now, all I could think of.. is to get some sleep. A sweet dream would be good to lift my spirit a little. Been feeling down, and unsettled for some reason. I am exhausted and I don't actually know why.

Conversations with Afiq this week:

I normally make/receive calls from home at least 3 times a day. Afiq calls before he goes to school in the morning. I call home in the afternoon to speak Mariessa. And Afiq usually calls again once he's back from school.

On Monday, while I was at the hospital with my mom, (we were informed at noon about my mom having cancer, so i left work early to join my sisters at the hospital) Afiq called.

Him: (dengan suara penuh urgentnya). Mama!! Mama balik la cepat!
Me: (suara agak panik) Kenapa??
Him: (changed tone to memujuk + penuh harapan) Mama balik la buat burger untuk Afiq...

Laaaa.. ingatkan apaaaaa lah tadi

On Tuesday, I took a day off from work as my sisters and I wanted to see the doctors and specialists to discuss about my mom's condition and the treatment plans available. Later that day, all my siblings came down to Ngah's place to discuss the situation. So I was out the whole day and I told my maid that I was going to be late. At around 7pm Afiq called.

Him: (Dengan tegasnya) Mama! Cubaaa mama tengok kat luar tu!
Me: Kenapa? Ada apa kat luar?
Him: Kan dah gelap ni. Kenapa Mama tak balik balik lagi??

Again... ingatkan ada apaaaa la kat luar rumah.

On Wednesday, I was still at the office when he called, probably around 6pm or so.

Him: Mama! Mama cepatlah balik, kan dah nak Maghrib ni! <- Tau pulak tu nak Maghrib. I've always intentionally mentioned the solat (Isya', Maghrib etc) when we were about to solat, but he has never mentioned it til that day. I'm impressed! ;)

Yesterday (Thursday), before I left the office, I gave Afiq a quick call. He picked up the phone, no hello, no nothing, and said:

Him: Mama, kenapa Mama telefon ni?
Me: (At the verge of feeling offended. hehe) Sebaaaaab Mama nak cakap dengan Afiq lah.
Him: Kenapa Mama nak cakap dengan Afiq?

Me: Sebaaaaab Mama suuuukaaaa cakap dengan Afiq.
Him: (pause). Ohhhh.. Afiq saaaayang pada Mama dengan Ayah. (Note the 'pad
a'. He's still saying that)

Needless to say, I melted!

Conversations with Mariessa will usually be like this:

Her: Mama! Mama kat mana <- by default when my kids answer the phone, mesti ingat Mama yang call.

Me: Mama kat ofis.
Her: Ayah mana?
Me: Ayah kat ofis Ayah.

Her: Aba mana (Aba is abang (Afiq). Mariessa's words selalunya yang belakang2 tu semua jadik silent)
Me: Abang pegi sekolah.
Her. K.(ok). Baaaaaa. (that's her bye2)

Moving on to another story, On Monday my Aunt texted me and asked whether I'll be rajin enough to bake 50 pieces of muffin for her. Any kind, she said. My first reaction was, "Alamak!". I've baked muffins many times, yes. But never for orders! Excited la jugak actually. But I was more nervous than excited. But saying No to my aunt, is almost not an option.

So I said Yes. She wanted the muffin today. For her daughter's school jamuan. So last night was my baking night.

Took me 2 hours to finish everything. The last hour was actually just waiting for the muffin to bake in the oven while I watched The Amazing Race Asia. :) . I started late (11pm) because I had a terrible headache the whole day yesterday and needed to sleep. Woke up at 11pm when everybody has gone to bed and started baking.

While I was baking, it occurs to me that it was exactly what I needed. Baking / cooking has always been therapeutic for me. (Most of the time lah, hehe). And doing it while everyone was asleep was even better. It was like a getaway of some sort. Me in my own world.

I don't know if the muffins are up to my aunt's expectation. There are a lot of things i need to improve on. But still, I hope she'll be satisfied. I'm really nervous to find out!

I added some extras in the small box, for my Aunt to bring home.

On another note, my mom might be released to go home today. For a week. When she comes back from this leave, she might probably start the chemo treatment. I am still for some reason unable to talk about this at length. At times, I really do feel OK. But at other times, I just don't know how I feel. Thing is, this is not even about me.

Akak wrote something here.
And Ngah, here.
But really, what we feel is a lot deeper than what we can ever express. The fear, the sadness, the hope. The fear of hoping. The fear of the unknowns AND knowns.

If mom goes back to 443 today, we're going back too. The last time I went back, was to get her to come to Kajang to treat her demam yang tak baik-baik. Little did I know that the 'demam' will take her away from 443 this long and this 'far'. I miss going home.

After almost 3 months in HUKM, the doctors have finally came up with a confirmed result. One we did not see coming. One we hoped would never be THE answer.

It's the feared C. Multiple Myeloma to be exact. Still, we are thankful that it's still at stage 1.

I am still gathering my thoughts and putting myself together. The reality is sinking in very slowly.

Received this from someone I consider as my 3rd sister. ;) This was a complete surprise! Thank you very much Kak Pet!

Mula2 suspense ok... fikir sapa laaaaa hantar hadiah kat ofis ni. Echeh! The last time Shahril did a surprise like this was errrr 3 years ago! Hint! Hint! January 4th dah tak lama k, everyone? Hahahaha..

Kat dalam tu ada what I first thought was Almond London. Tapi bila makan, dalam tu kurma i think, covered with chocolate. Afiq tersangatlah suka nya. He has finished eating 2 of those, baru teringat nak tanya.. "Mama.. sapa bagi ni?" Tau pulak tu kalau wrap lawa2 gini, mesti org bagi. Hehe. And while eating his 4th one, I made a call to Kak Pet for afiq to say thank you. Afiq said, dgn gaya2 sekali.. "Hmmmm sedapnya!!! Nanti, kalau abis, Mama suruh Aunty Pet bagi lagi k?" Hihihi.

The best thing is, the very moment i received this at my office, Ummi called and said she just got one too! Delivered rightttt to her bed in HUKM. She was thrilled, and touched! Thanks again, Kak Pet! When i visited her later that day, she asked me to bring it home first. Nanti bila dah Raya, boleh bawak balik ke HUKM.. kot2 la ramai visitors kan, she can jamu whoever dtg nanti. :).

Very de cantik one!

Actually orang tu susun lagi lawa daripada ni. Heheh.. Tapi bila masuk dalam kereta, i keluarkan, takut tuggang terbalik. Pastu bila nak susun balik dah tak reti! Hehehe. Apa2 pun.. i sungguh la berkenan kat the bekas tu. Cantik aa!

To Kak Pet, thank you very, very much! Semoga murah rezeki sokmo! ;)

Received this last night, from a best friend allllllll the way in Austria.
A basket full of goodies.

Accompanied by this:

Guess what's inside!

It's aaaaaaa....mooncake!

Not one, but two of them!

I LOVE the boxes!

Pretty mooncake.

Inside the basket, were these

One contains dates and another one is serunding.

I really, really like this book of do'as. Interesting doas inside it, too. The size is just perfect. I'll start carrying this wherever I go.

At first i thought these were chocolates. Lepas bukak baru perasan that they're actually dates with some nuts in it. Those that are covered with sesame seeds, i have no idea what those are. They tasted like dates too actually, but mixed with some other things.

And of course the card that came with all the goodies. :)

And the basket? Oh, it's soooooooo cantik!

Guess who were the busiest going thru the goodies??

Nasib baikkkkk ada 2 mooncakes! Kalau 1 je... confirm berebut! We haven't open it yet. They sent the package after berbuka time last night, so we were still full. How long does a mooncake last eh, does anyone know?

To Fadhli, thank you very much! That was very thoughtful of you, as always. :) We'll see you in December ok?